The Greatest Anthem of All Time. Period.

The Surprisingly Chaotic History of "The Star-Spangled Banner"
By Lovers of the Good Ol' USA

Let’s talk about America’s national anthem — that beautiful, booming, nearly un-singable tune that kicks off every baseball game and causes panic in karaoke bars across the nation: The Star-Spangled Banner.

Believe it or not, the song we all stand awkwardly still for while trying to remember which hand goes over our heart was written during a literal British bombardment. Yes, the U.S. national anthem is essentially a very dramatic diary entry by Francis Scott Key, a lawyer-poet hybrid (they existed!) who happened to be stuck on a British ship during the War of 1812.

Let’s rewind. It’s 1814. America and Britain are having their second big breakup — the War of 1812, aka "Revolutionary War: The Sequel." The British were feeling spicy and decided to attack Baltimore. Their ships rolled up to Fort McHenry and spent 25 straight hours lobbing cannonballs at it like they were auditioning for Pirates of the Caribbean: The Musical.

Meanwhile, Francis Scott Key, who had boarded a British ship to negotiate the release of a prisoner (because sure, why not?), found himself stuck there while the British rained fire and iron on his homeland. Instead of panicking or yelling, “This is fine,” Key stood there, squinting through the smoke, trying to see if the American flag was still flying.

Spoiler alert: it was. A big ol’ 30-by-42-foot flag was defiantly waving over the fort the next morning, like, “You thought I was gone? Please.”

So inspired was Mr. Key that he scribbled down some lines on the back of a letter (the 19th-century version of a napkin). He called it “Defence of Fort M’Henry,” which, let’s be honest, sounds like the name of a straight-to-DVD war film. Thankfully, someone had the good sense to rename it The Star-Spangled Banner, because nobody wants to sing something that sounds like a thesis paper.

The melody, in case you didn’t know, wasn’t even original. Key set his lyrics to the tune of a popular British drinking song called To Anacreon in Heaven. Yes, the national anthem of the United States is musically based on a song sung by tipsy Englishmen raising toasts to Greek gods. You truly can’t make this stuff up.

Fast-forward a century or so, and The Star-Spangled Banner finally got promoted to national anthem in 1931 — only after a few decades of musical identity crisis and Congress finally saying, “Fine, just pick a song already!”

So next time you’re belting out those high notes (or missing them by a mile), remember that this iconic tune was born out of cannon fire, British hospitality (read: captivity), and some solid flag-waving perseverance. And yes, it’s technically a rewrite of a party song. God bless America.